Debate Predictions

So, now that my anger with both candidates over the God damned traffic nightmare in Denver has somewhat subsided, I think I’m ready to make a prediction as to who will win the debate.

As most of you know, I don’t like the Republican party and its adherents. I generally think the party is sociopathic and its followers are idiots.

You may also remember that I consider the Democrats to be all too ready patsies for Republican policies, rolling over with suspicious ease when their donors’ interests are concerned.

I’m voting Obama in a month, but not because I’m a party loyalist. I’m a registered independent and platform matters a hell of a lot more to me than party. But we’ll get to that another day, as we get closer to the election. On to the predictions!

Romney Will Say Something Stupid

It’ll be about evolution being “just a theory” (like gravity or electricity). Or climate change being a hoax. Or tax cuts increasing tax revenues somehow. Or how equality is bad for marriage somehow. Or something about the working class being lazy, shiftless, America-hating socialists who just want a free ride. Or one of any number of demonstrably false claims made by he and his ilk over the years. He’ll say these things with confidence and conviction, with every ounce of gravitas he can muster, and worst of all, Mitt will know it’s bullshit. He’s not stupid. You should remember that he was once in favor of climate change legislation and a woman’s right to choose, and of course, state mandated health insurance. But, not being stupid, Mitt will also have to pretend like he is stupid in order to appeal to the Republican base.

At least, I hope that’s what he does. Because let’s face it, Mitt Romney could come out in favor of adding an aborted fetus to the national seal, and his base would still vote for him over that ni- I mean “un-American European-style socialist” currently occupying the White House.

Obama Will Be Brilliant

Yeah, yeah, I know. Every right winger alive is now beating their fists against their computer screens, gnashing their teeth, screaming words like “socialist,” “fascist,” and “ni- I mean Kenyan!” They will say I’m in the bag for Obama. A paid hack (I only wish I were, I’ll bet it pays pretty well). But understand something. Barack Obama is a brilliant politician. He’s a superb debater, and an unparalleled orator. And he will utilize those skills tonight. Most impressively, he will artfully dodge any questions about marijuana legalization, Guantanamo Bay, Afghanistan, and the predator drone program.

But make no mistake. Barack Obama will be brilliant during the debate.

Everyone Will Win

I don’t mean to say this is a win-win for everyone, but that no matter what, every single person watching the debate will claim that “our guy” mopped the floor with the “other guy.” Romney voters will believe and agree with the bullshit he spouts, and Obama voters will ignore his dodges in the hope that these things will change in a second term. But everyone already knows who they’re voting for, and why. This debate will literally change none of that.

But I’ll be watching anyway. Because a
good show is a good show.


In all fairness, as much as I hate to admit it (God damn it it hurts like a motherfucker to say this), Romney did a better job. The problem for Obama is that he seems afraid of the phrase “you’re lying,” and instead opts to try and address it in a more cordial tone. Does he not remember the last four years? Time to nut up or shut up, Mr. President. Calling these dipshits out is your best path to reelection. Just do it.


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