In the past week or so, three major events have occurred which have dominated the news media like Drew Brees recently dominated the Pats on Monday Night Football. On the 25th of November, Michaele and Tareq Salahi managed to crash the first state dinner host by the Obama administration (eat your hearts out, Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn), and got the secret service into heaps of trouble. Then, golf god Tiger Woods got caught cheating on his wife and, in the ensuing attempt at fleeing what was doubtless an epic fight, crashed his car into a tree. Finally, last Tuesday, the President announced that on the heels of winning a Nobel Peace Prize, he is planning to send an additional 30,000 troops to Afghanistan, ostensibly to maintain order while the new Afghan government is stabilized. Truly, though, only one of these stories is real news. Can you guess which one? Let’s take a look at these stories and decide…
Tiger’s Wild Ride
The world’s richest and most famous athlete (a term I use loosely, he’s a golfer after all), in the prime of his life, with beautiful women throwing themselves at him literally everywhere he goes, had an affair. Really? I’m shocked beyond words, I truly am. How can a human being have a lapse of judgement like that? And more than one? Utterly intolerable. Almost as bad as the cheating is the number of fights this story started in marriages across America when millions of men said “You know, it’s not cool to cheat, but I can see how temptation might get the better of him,” and immediately ducked to avoid a flying vase. Really, the fact is that it most certainly is not okay to cheat on your spouse, and under no circumstances should we condone it. We also shouldn’t be surprised when it happens with superstar athletes, though. Since it’s totally not shocking and very much is expected, this story is not worthy of being called news. But that one’s easy. The other two are much harder to figure out.
Escalation in Afghanistan
Damn. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; I should have known better than to hope. 30,000? Haven’t I seen this somewhere before? Comparisons to VietNam have been batted about lately, but a better comparison might be with the U.S.S.R. and freakin’ Afghanistan! Or to any number of other large, even multinational empires like our that have tried and failed at stabilizing and governing that region of the planet. Am I to believe that the President of the United States, after graduating from one of the world’s most prestigious ivy league colleges, has never opened a world history textbook? No nation in written history has been able to successfully govern the area we now call Afghanistan. What, we’re so much better than everyone else that we can do everything no one else ever could? Seems awfully arrogant to me. What’s worse is that the people making the decisions will suffer nothing more than a temporary job loss resulting from such egotism, while our nation’s fighting men and women will be forced to pay the ultimate price for someone else’s hubris. Nothing doing, but that’s just wrong. Sad thing is, I kind of expected exactly this sort of thing to happen, and so I don’t know if it’s news so much as a confirmation of what I always suspected would be the case.
Barbarians Crash the Gate
Think I’m wrong to call Michaele Salahi and her husband Tareq barbarians? They’re “reality” TV people. How much less civilized can you be without becoming wild animals, or even worse, hippies? These idiots decided to attempt what is most certainly one of the dumbest, most dangerous stunts ever dreamed up by a shameless fame-seeking media whore. After all, wouldn’t the secret service be well within the scope of their purpose were they to just shoot the Salahis on sight? I mean, you can’t just have random, unknown people coming up to shake the President’s hand, especially when the man holds the record for the most death threats received by any President in our nation’s history. The really interesting thing, though, is that now the leader of the free world is faced with the fact that even the peons in this country can get to him any time they want. How will he respond to that realization? Will Obama beef up security and refuse to talk to strangers, or will he feel comfortable that he is serving the public will enough to avoid an uglier trespassing incident? One thing’s for certain; future guest lists will be much more comprehensive than they have been in the past. But is this whole thing newsworthy? If it isn’t, which of the other stories of the week is news? Try the poll, give your two cents.