So let me get this straight: President Obama is giving a televised speech speech to a bunch of schools, and people are pulling their kids out of class because they’re afraid he’ll indoctrinate them with communist ideas? As a father and a teacher, I find this intellectually offensive on more levels than I can even describe. That said, let me try and explain some of the possible reasons why these parents going so far out of their way to prevent their children from hearing a message from the Commander in Chief.
Reason 1: They Actually Think He’s Chairman Mao.
So now Obama’s gone from being a secret Kenyan Muslim Socialist to being a secret Kenyan Muslim Socialist who wants not only to take all the money away from “real” Americans and give it to his commie buddies, but wants to kill anyone with money? That must be why so many of his economic cabinet members are corporate executives and followers of Milton Friedman (who gave Reagan his economic policies). Yup, I can see it now. Obama as an evil Palpatine-like overlord who can turn even the most adamant crusaders for righteous profiteering to the wretched dark side where people (ugh) share and share alike.
News Flash: Obama is NOT a communist, and he most definitely is not Mao Zedong. He will not hypnotize your kids into a commie stupor and fill them with a bunch of tripe that will destroy their brains and ruin any hope of them becoming a productive citizen. The hours and hours of Disney channel or MTV you let them watch rather than talk to them has done it already.
Reason 2: Only The REAL President Should Be Able to Address the Nation’s Schools
Since we now know that Barak Hussein Obama is actually a Kenyan Muslim Terrorist who’s only in office due to a nearly fifty year conspiracy between the Kenyan government, Al-Qeada, the governor of Hawaii, and several local newspapers, not to mention the vast majority of American voters who elected him, it’s obvious that Obama is not eligible to be our president. We could maybe get McCain back off the bus and put him in the White House, but he’s been speaking against torture and saying that we should be respectful of Obama regardless of our disagreements. Clearly, if he respects Obama, he can’t really be an American either, so he’s out. Who should we have in office then? Fortunately, there is only one person who really represents what real Americans want on a president: Sean Hannity. Hannity is square, white, and knows that the free market is the solution to any problem (so long as government keeps us from collectively negotiating our pay). He would never let all those Joe-the-plumbers out there have all their wealth taken away from them by the big, bad government. The right way to go about it, after all, is for the company he works for to keep dropping his compensation so that he never has any money for the government to steal in the first place. As an added bonus, Sean Hannity is a great American. We know this because his callers call him one, and they’re also great Americans, a fact made clear when a great American like Hannity tells them so. I mean, really, where’s the debate? Sean Hannity and all his listeners agree that they are all great Americans, so they must be. And we only want the greatest Americans to be in the oval office, not the dastardly Obama with all his melanin and fancy thinkin’. Sean Hannity for president! Right NOW!
Reason 3: Obama Uses Words That Are Too Big For Our Kids
Let’s face facts. Barak Obama is a Harvard-educated constitutional scholar, and an excellent public speaker with a cornucpial vocabulary. Have you read anything American students have been writing? The Teletubbies use more complex language than many of our school-age children. Of course this statement doesn’t apply to every student, but if your kid is one of the illiterati, you know about whom I speak. If this hyper-educated elitist were to use his full powers of language on many of these kids, their poor little heads would explode from the overflow of non-monosyllabic verbalizations. It’s really a safety issue. We can’t have a bunch of kids’ heads blowing up in the middle of class, especially since most schools don’t have the funding to hire anyone who could clean up the mess.
Reason 4: This is Unprecedented by Any other President
You know, except for when Reagan did exactly the same thing to tell our children why tax cuts for the rich were the best way to boost the economy and balance the budget. One wonders if many of these right wing nuts would be so up in arms if a white Republican were using the public airwaves to brainwash our kids. Of course they wouldn’t! These people only complain when someone makes their kids think about an idea or philosophy that is unfamiliar. Which leads of course into…
Reason 5: The REAL Reason
Ignorant right wing ideologues and their followers are afraid that if their children are presented with alternatives to the way mom and dad think, then mom and dad will have to take time out from their relentless acquisition of material crap to have an intelligent dialogue about the issues. Unfortunately, all too many people (of any political or religious affiliation) refuse to allow their young to be exposed to the possibility that they will have to defend their beliefs. These people are afraid that if their kids come home with a bunch of reasons why mom and dad should really engage in an intelligent debate on the issues, they will have no legitimate arguments to offer. All they know is what Glenn Beck and the like have told them: Obama will ruin your life with his pro-black, pro-immigrant, and above all pro-worker agenda, despite the fact that most of us can identify with at least one of those groups. These people are afraid that they will have to explain to someone, even a seven year old, why things like national health care are wrong and why we should never accept that someone with a different political affiliation or melanin content than themselves could ever hold real authority among the “great Americans” on the Sean Hannity show.
As a social studies teacher whose focus is in American History and the Constitution, I have to say that the influx of ideas is exactly the reason why we should be having our kids watch the leader of our republic address them directly. If your kids have some new ideas introduced that they never even heard about at home, they will be forced to actually think for a change, rather than regurgitating the same old “fourteen hundred and ninety two Columbus sailed the ocean blue” garbage they get every day. What’s wrong with providing learners with something that, if used properly, can drastically enhance their ability to think independently? If you’re not afraid of your kid thinking for him or her self, you should ALWAYS embrace a chance to hear, absorb, and criticize anything they hear from any elected official. Quit being intellectually lazy and think along with your kids.
Everyone in the United States of America, make sure you have your young listen when the leader of the free world wants to talk to them. If nothing else, you can use it to teach them proper respect for authority.